Reference no: EM13144554

1. I like your introduction because I agree your situation and I can understand your situation. Also, your least favorite is support your body paragraph and your conclusion.

2. “I have found that I am a much happier and healthier person since I have separated myself from my ego and started allowing myself to live in the present moment.” I think that your thesis statement is good but I think that you have to more specific.

3. Actually, I like your story and your story is connecting your ego. However, I couldn’t find dialogue, and metaphor. I think that you have to include as like metaphor, or simile in your essay.

4. I think that your grammar is advance but you always beginning from verb in your sentence. However, your grammar is advance and good. Also, it is not short sentence and you always try to make long sentence.

5. Your essay is MLA format but you don’ have transitions such as “ On the other hand” or “Moreover”. So, you need to include more transition in your essay.

6 I think that you have to more write last paragraph because last sentence is conclusion but I didn’t feel that the paragraph was closing. I think that conclusion have to include all of them.

7.Your conclusion paragraph is good but I think that you have to more specific explaining and more add your words because it was too short.

8. Actually, I like your title “Heath and Happiness” but I think that you can try to change your title because when I see your title, I couldn’t feel interesting. I mean, I think that title have to interesting when I see.

9. I think that your essay is good and your grammar is advanced. Moreover, I can understand your situation and your story because I had experience as like your experience. I did well chose your experience in your essay.