Reference no: EM131157972

Fix the given essay and whatever adding or changing you make just highlight it and make it perfect!

The comments on the essay are below.

Here is my essay start :

The internet become the biggest box of information which we can search and get knowledge from small and simple thing like ant to big and complex thing like universe. According to Hawking "We are all now connected by the Internet, like neurons in a giant brain." is an English theoretical physicist, cosmologist, author and Director of Research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology within the University of Cambridge.. We know that our information is like a small drop in a big sea of knowledge, every person have his own tendency which mean if someone like biology he will knows about biology many information ,but it's hard for him to know something he doesn't involve it. For example, if I need to know about something that I just hired about I will use the internet directly as I know is the biggest source and the easily way to get information.

Carr(2010)" in those days, the internet give the people a simple way to enter unmatched size of knowledge." Maybe we have the idea, but we think is not interesting, or strong enough, and we afraid we cannot make the receiver receive the idea in correct way, so many of us use the internet to search for better idea that make the recipient embrace. As Cleary (2012) said once " In the Internet we can find information for any subject in attract way and powerful." In the other hand, the internet is the main factor to distract the students which effect on their grades. Like Carr said "Students who are keep distracted by Social Media realize less then who are not."

For example, According to Carr(2010)"In one experiment Conducted at Cornell University, for example, half a class of students was allowed to use Internet-connected laptops during a lecture, while the other had to keep their computers shut. Those who browsed the Web performed much worse on a subsequent test of how well they retained the lecture's content." Students think they can multitasking perfectly without any disadvantage, but there are as they cannot understand the meaning deeply. Carr(2010) says "there is just one way to understand the new information correctly is to put your full focus on it.

Second, as like I point it before the internet is like big box of information, so that make it easy to plagiarize. As a result, many students use the information they have found it in the internet to do their homework and make it like they own words and ideas In gapril said " Approximately 5 of 10 of high school students acknowledged to coping and pasting from the internet, and about 1 saying we did not see it cheating." Many students not just copy and paste from the internet there are some students who use internet for texting friends during exam.

In Gabriel's(2010) article, he writes "Digital technology makes cheating easier-whether it's texting exam answers to friends, sharing homework online, or downloading ready-made term papers from the Internet." Which mean students have many style to cheating by internet ." As the internet unprecedented amounts of information that make students less responsibility about getting learn and so lazy to doing their works ,so they depending on the internet to do their works. Likes Slobogin (2002) had said "more than five of ten students have copied thier work from website."

In conclusion, may we all connect in giant brain, but do we use in the same way? Same of us use it to improve our knowledge as they cannot knew everything ,and how they can find ideas that they cannot make us understand them. Same use it wrong way which such as they getting distract and plagiarism. It's hard to stop this issue as the good face is required for the bad face which I mean when they tried to plagiarize they exploit the good face of internet to do it, but do we can use the good face to putting limit for the exploitability?.

The comments on the essay are :-

•Many errors on title page. Why is so much of the paper red and underlined?

•Intro - looks unfinished - where is thesis statement? Also, quote from Stephen Hawking is appropriate but needs to be better integrated.

•Carr 'in those days..." - doesn't look like this is actually copied from Can-, but it has quotation marks. Same with Clearly "In the Internet we can find.." And Carr "Students who are keep..." And others; too.

•Body paragraphs are weakened by evidence at end without any kind of conclusion to the point or transition to next point.

•Need more context - are you talking about people in general using the Internet or students or both?

•Forsecond disadvantage, it's actually your third point, so 'Second" at the beginning of the paragraph is not sufficient. Good job trying to connect ideas, but "as like I point ..." is not appropriate language or effective connectino. Also, how about some example evidence to make your point clearer?

•Two faces - not sure that works.