Reference no: EM133318845

CASE: Consider the following real case (excerpts):

"I was verbally, physically, and sexually abused for 13 years in my marriage from ages 22-34. I never had any hint during the two years we were dating that the man I loved (he was my soul mate) would end up making my life a living hell. He was a little jealous but I thought this was cute and that he cared about me. In fact, he made me feel special...he made me feel LOVED...we could talk for hours and hours"

"The very next day after we got married, when I came home from work he had put all my dresses and skirts on the bed with the hem taken out of them....I wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into. The abuse occurred mostly when he had been drinking:

Accusations: "accusing me of sleeping with anyone breathing

Fear: "he jumped at me...got into my face.. he threatened me with bodily harm...anything to intimate me."

Shame: "he belittled me, called me names, cussed at me."

Control: "he got mad at me for vising my family."

Physical Abuse: "he pushed, pinched, squeezed, spit, and pulled a gun on me."

Rape: "he forced me to have sex with him (when he was drunk he would last forever)"

"He would stay out all night, come home, and wake me up...and accuse me of going out and being with someone else...(he looked for stamps on my hand from a club). Black eyes were common. I kept sunglasses on for about 5-6 years. He once backhanded me and knocked four of my teeth loose (they later died and had to be pulled). I now have a plate in my mouth. Another time he picked me up and slung me across the room with both legs hitting the coffee table and seriously bruising the shins of my legs. Today, I still have problems...broken veins and poor circulation in my legs. I left him many times...he would always talk me into coming back...buying me back...he would start back to church with me and we would go to church for months....then he would start drinking again. I once called the police and he was arrested...but I dropped the charges.

The reason I stayed is that I loved him and when he wasn't drinking he was perfect and treated me right. But his abuse was changing my personality and one time I lost it and pulled a gun on him...so I knew it was time to go....I have since forgiven him and moved on. The message to my daughter and other young people is to make a deliberate choice to get out immediately after the abuse starts." (p.201, Knox, 2018)

Question [1] What are 3 key reasons why abusive perpetrators act out in this manner and hurt their partners emotionally and physically?

Question [2] What are 3 key reasons why victims remain in an abusive relationship for years?