Reference no: EM132375843

I have an assignment that needs to be revised for grammar and spelling. I need this paper to be flawless with little to no errors.

I would also like an extra 2 pages or so if Possible on how Video Games are Beneficial or the education purposes of gaming.

Teachers Remarks Below:

Some good content here in your opening paragraphs for the final paper. I think a lot of this will be usable in your paper, but there are some adjustments necessary.

First, your opening paragraph needs a stronger, clearer, more concrete thesis statement. What, exactly, are you arguing for (or against)? Are you arguing that video games should be used in education? That video games should not be restricted? That video games are superior to other activities such as reading or playing sports? Your topic at this point is too general/broad to be clear.

Next, your second paragraph doesn't advance an argument very well. Instead of producing a point in support of a thesis, it presents a general set of facts concerning the success/popularity of video games; again, though, this does not support an argument effectively.

Finally, you'll need to tidy up your mechanics. There are errors in grammar, punctuation, syntax, and diction/word use. There are diction errors such as your using "disproved" when you mean "disapproved," "acquitted" when you mean "accustomed," "enable" when you mean "induce," etc... These sentence-level errors, besides creating confusion, also impact the polish of the paper, so will have to be addressed.

Attachment:- The Video Game Controversies.rar